Yesterday, I listened to some audio CDs by Josh McDowell, entitled, "Why Belief Matters". I think EVERY parent should go out and buy a copy right this minute. He gave me some very valuable information that I must pass on to you. Everything presented in this post is something I learned from Josh McDowell. I added some tid-bits and personal experience here and there, but the information came from him.
Background on Josh McDowell: He did not grow up in a Christian home. His father was the town drunk, his mother died of a broken heart, his sister committed suicide, and his brother was not very nice. When he went to college, he noticed a group of professors and students that seemed different than everyone else. They had a joy about them and he wanted to know where it came from. So one day, he asked, "Why are you different?" One of the girls in the group answered him with two words: "Jesus Christ". He became angry and reacted very strongly. This anger stemmed from his childhood that he goes into detail about on the CDs. He decided right then and there, that he was going to prove them wrong. So he dropped out of college and devoted all of his time and study to refuting Christianity. After extensive study, he came to the conclusion that it was all true and accepted Christ as his Savior and Lord.
Josh McDowell says that it matters WHAT we believe and WHY we believe it. He states that the Bible is not true because he believes it. He says that he believes it because it is true! Our belief system forms our values and our values drive our behavior. He states that it is of utmost importantance that we, as parents, know WHY we believe what we believe. He gave some astounding percentages that literally scared me to death. There is such a high percentage of children who grow up in Christian homes, and later in life, deny Christ, because there is so much that the world has offered them. The world has offered them more theories, more explanations, more history, more archaeology, etc, and we haven't given them the TRUTH they need to stand strong in their faith. They are believing a lie from Satan himself, and we are responsible.
After I listened to this section of the CD, I was attacked by Satan. I felt this overwhelming feeling come over me of complete and utter failure. My child is 2 years old, so why would I already feel failure? Satan wanted me to feel like this is something I could never do - that this was too great a responsibility and that I should just go ahead and give up. But as quickly as that feeling came over me, it left - because a peace washed over me and Jesus reassured me. I felt like He was saying to me, "Megan, you can't do it - you will never be able to do it. But you have MY STRENGTH. You can do all things through me who gives you strength." I believe him, without a shadow of a doubt. It is an amazing responsibility that I have been given by God to guide my children, and I don't take it lightly. I take it very seriously. I know that ultimately, they have a choice to make, to either accept or deny Christ. But it is my responsibility to guide and to teach. As the old saying goes, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink."
McDowell states that kids today process things differently that we do. He introduces something called "relational apologetics" which joins TRUTH with RELATIONSHIP. He says that truth without relationship leads to rejection. Basically that means that belief in God without a personal relationship with Him leads to rejection of Him. Even Satan "believes" in God. Anyone can believe there is a God, but not everyone chooses to have a personal relationship with Him.
So what do we do?
McDowell outlines 4 things we need to do as parents:
1) We have to build relationships with our children.
2) We must help them develop convictions - to show our children that the truths are relationally relevant
Parents say, "If it's true, it works." Children say, " If it works, it's true." They are creating their own truth and not discovering that God is the Creator of Truth. They need to know that the most important relationship in their life is with God, and their relationship with Him will affect all of their other relationships.
Our children need to know WHY it's true and we need to teach them how to apply this truth to their lives - because if they don't experience it - it will never become a conviction!
3) We must model the truth before them.
When I was growing up, I would encounter "hypocrites" but that didn't make me doubt the truth about God. I just thought they didn't have it together. But McDowell states that when our children see people (including parents) going against the very things they are teaching) then they think that what the parents are teaching must not be true, since the parents aren't living it. That saying "Do as I say, not as I do" needs to be thrown out the window! We want our children to model us, and we in turn need to be modeling Christ!
4) We need to make sure it's relational (with God and with others)
We must present truth in the context of relationships and we must also have a connecting relationship with our children.
Exodus 34:14 says, "You must worship no other gods, for the Lord, whose very name is Jealous, is a God who is jealous about his relationship with you."
Why is God jealous about His relationship with us? Because, He created us to have a personal relationship with Him and He is passionate about loving us. This is something I will never understand since I know that humans (including myself) are evil. But thank God, He made a way for me to be seen as righteous in eyes. Thank God for the blood covering of Jesus that washes me white as snow - making me presentable to Him.
McDowell goes on to explain this passionate love of God:
1) God's love takes the initiative
John 3:16 - For God so LOVED the world, that He GAVE His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life.
1 John 4: 10 - This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.
2) God's love is sacrificial
Read the above verses (John 3:16, 1 John 4:10)
3) God's love is knowledgeable
Psalm 139: 1-6 - O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!
What I think is so great about God's love being knowledgeable is this: He KNOWS me and He STILL loves me! I mean that is some serious love!
4) God's love is extensive
John 15:9 - I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love.
Jesus loves us the same way that God the Father loves him. WOW! How could we not remain in that kind of love!
But how do we know that what we believe is absolute truth (not our truth, but GOD'S TRUTH)?
There are over 300 prophesies in the Old Testament of the Bible, JUST about Jesus that have been fulfilled. McDowell gives only 8 of them.
1) Genesis 3:15 - makes a reference to the "seed of woman." Normally we see "seed of man" but when you see "seed of woman" it refers to the virgin birth - There was no man involved - only God and Mary. (The Messiah would be born of a virgin)
We also see in Genesis, that the Messiah would be of the lineage of Shem and the descendent of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. This really narrows it down. Noah had 3 sons but the line of the Messiah would be through Shem. Abraham had 8 children, but God points to Isaac. Isaac had twins - Jacob and Esau - but God once again specifies that the Messiah would be a descendent of Jacob.
2) Genesis 49:10 - Jesus will be from the tribe of Judah. From Jacob, came the 12 tribes of Israel through his sons, but God gets even more specific by stating that the Messiah would come from the tribe of Judah.
3) Isaiah 11: 1 - The family line of the Messiah would be through Jesse
4) Jeremiah 23: 5 - The Messiah will come from the house of David
Okay let's just stop right there. God didn't have to get this specific. But he did. He outlined, BEFORE Jesus ever came into the world, specifically where he would come from, and it was FULFILLED!
5) Psalm 22:16 (reference to the crucifixion - hands and feet pierced against a tree) The method of how Christ would be crucified did not even exist at the time of this prophesy. As a matter of fact, it didn't exist until 800 years later!
6) Psalm 41:9 (prophesies how the Messiah will be betrayed by a close friend) Judas Iscariot was one of his disciples - I don't think you can get any closer than that!
7) Zechariah 11: 12-13 (prophesies that the Messiah would be betrayed by 30 pieces of silver) Jesus was betrayed by Judas Iscariot for 30 pieces of silver - not 29 pieces, not 31 pieces - 30 pieces!
8) Micah 5:2 (prophesies that the Messiah would come from Bethlehem). Jesus was BORN in Bethlehem - out of all the towns in the world - He was born in the town that was prophesied to be the town of his birth.
McDowell only listed 8 of these prophesies. He said that for all 8 of these prophesies to be fulfilled through ONE person, would be nearly impossible. It would be like filling up the state of Texas, 2 feet deep in silver dollars. Then picking up one of the silver dollars and marking it with an X and throwing it back down. Then bull dozing the entire state to mix it up with the other silver dollars. Then placing a man, blindfolded, on one end of Texas and having him walk wherever he wanted and pick up a silver dollar. Then for that silver dollar to be the one with the X on it, is the same as having these 8 prophesies fulfilled in just ONE man. But Jesus fulfilled not just 8, but over 300! That is incredible odds. How could it NOT be true! IT IS TRUE! He is TRUTH!
So now we know that IT IS TRUE and WE ARE LOVED!
McDowell goes on to say that Christianity is different from all the other religions of the world. Christianity is NOT a religion. Religion is about people trying to work their way to God through rules and ritual. But Christianity is about a relationship with a God who is passionate about a relationship with US! No work has to be done on our part. God did all the work for us! We can't get to heaven on our own merit!
So now what? What can we do to bring our children to the point of accepting the truth of Christ?
McDowells outlines 7 biblical principles on how we build relationships with our children that our based on God's relationship with us. But first he states that the PARENT is the most influential person in a child's life! WOW! I would have guessed Hollywood, or NFL stars, or friends. NO! We (parents) are the people our children look to as an influence. If we do not nurture our children, they will most likely walk away from the truth. Their future is in OUR HANDS! Well I hope you feel the weight of that responsibility the way I did! It sure is heavy - but give it to Jesus! He will carry you through this. McDowells says that there is no guarantee to parenting. We might do all the right things and our children might still make the choice to deny Christ. But McDowell says that if we apply the right principles, it will seldom happen. I just want to know that I gave it my all when it comes time for my children to make the MOST IMPORTANT decision that they will ever make in their life. I want to be able to say that I did all I could do, and I couldn't have done another thing. At that point, I will just have to place my children at the foot of the cross, and pray that they choose to follow Christ. Jesus has done his part. He died for their sins. I WILL have done my part (with God's help and direction) by guiding them to Him. Then it's up to them. It's up to Mary Tate and it's up to Miller. It's their choice.
McDowell's 7 Biblical Principles to Apply to Our Relationship with Our Children:
1) Affirmation - We need to validate or confirm our children's emotions and feelings. It gives them authenticity when we share in their feelings (Romans 12: 15 says, "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.") Don't just brush off your child's feelings. Feel what they feel, be happy when they are happy, be sad when they are sad. The Bible doesn't say to give them 3 ways they could have done it better, or quote scripture at them. It says to SHARE in their feelings.
2) Show them unconditional acceptance - this gives them a sense of security (Psalm 4:4 says, "what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them? Psalm 139: 13-18 says, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you.") God cares for us UNCONDITIONALLY! He sent His son to die for us while we were STILL SINNERS. He knew us and cared for us and loved us before we were created. Our children need to know that no matter what they do, we are going to still love them and accept them. I don't think this means we condone their actions. God doesn't condone our sin - but he still loves us regardless of it!
3) Appreciation - This says to them that they are significant. (Matthew 3:17 says, "And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”) God himself showed appreciation for His son Jesus. Paul expressed his appreciation for the churches in most of his epistles. A lot of parents, myself included, catch our children doing something wrong, and then correct them. But we should catch them doing something right and let them know how much we appreciate it.
4) Be available and approachable - This says to them that they are important. (Matthew 19:14 says, "Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” ) Jesus was available to these little children. He did not want the disciples to get in the way of these children coming to Him. We should be available to our children. When they need us, we should be there. I struggle with this one, especially when I am getting ready for work in the morning. That seems to be the time that my child most wants to love on me. Of course, I'm usually running behind and sometimes push her away. But she wants me! She wants me to love on her. So I have tried to take a minute, stop what I'm doing, pick her up, and hold her. I tell her how much I love her. Usually, she doesn't sit there more than a minute since she is such a busy body, but for that one little minute that didn't at all take away from my day, she felt loved and important. I was available to her and she will continue to approach me, not just for hugs, but for other things later in life, because she knows that I have time for her.
5) Affection (with appropriate physical expression) - This gives them a sense that they are lovable. We can look in the gospel of John and find that to love is a commandment from God. Children long to be hugged, kissed, and patted. They thrive off affection and I don't think you can ever give them too much.
6) Approach their world - This says to them that what is important to them is important to us. (1 Corinthians 13:5 says, "It (love) does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.") The word that stands out to me in this verse is "self-seeking". We need to do things with them that they like to do. We don't need to make them do something that we want to do in order to spend time with them. If they like hunting, learn to shoot a gun. If they read comic books, ask them questions about their favorite heros. If they take dance lessons, go to their recitals.
7) Develop accountability - Set reasonable limits and boundaries and this gives them a sense of responsibility and self-control. (Romans 14:12 says, "So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God." Galations 6:5 says, "for each one should carry their own load.") We need to be preparing our children to hold themselves accountable because one day they will give an account to God. I believe that children want boundaries. They need that kind of structure. It stabilizes their environment. Sometimes, we need to allow our children to bear some of their own burdens. We can't always fix everything. They need to be accountable. If they didn't study for a test, and they fail it, it is not our job to call the teacher and give excuses for our child. The child needs to learn that if they don't study for a test, then they will most likely get a bad grade. What does this teach them? It teaches them that they are responsible for their own actions.
This is a lot to digest but I believe that God has given us specific instructions in His word on how to raise our children and Josh McDowell did a great job of outlining these principles for us. If you think about it, you are probably applying most of these principles already. But there are probably some that are harder for you than others. Just continue to trust God and allow Him to teach you how to teach your children. Rely on His strength and His patience.
I want to ask my friends and family to hold me accountable to these principles. There are certain issues I struggle with as well and I am going to need a lot of prayer and a lot of help. Thank you already for the support!
Lastly, I just want to thank my parents. I have incredible parents. They are absolutely the best parents in the whole wide world. As I was listening to Josh McDowell outline these 7 principles, I thought about my parents. They never listened to the CD or read Josh McDowell's books, yet they applied all of these principles with their children. I don't know how they knew what to do, other than that they listened to God and were obedient to His commands. First and foremost, they put God first in their marriage and in our family. God came first, period. Secondly, they made sure they maintained a loving marriage, which was a great model for me and my two brothers. Thirdly, they applied the 7 principles listed above to build a relationship with us. I would like to give you some examples of how they did that with each principle.
My parents never brushed off my emotions. If I was happy, they were ecstatic. When I cried, they cried with me. When my heart was broken over some silly boy, my mother's heart was broken along with mine. They felt what I felt.
My parents accepted me and my brothers unconditionally. Even when I went through a wild stage in college, they still loved me. They never gave up on me and they never stopped praying for me. And I knew it, beyond a shadow of a doubt. I knew in my heart that there was NOTHING that I could do that would make them stop loving me.
My parents also showed me that they appreciated me. Everytime I did something that I thought was significant, whether it be folding the laundry or making good grades, my parents let me know how proud they were of me. When they told me how much they appreciated me, it usually made me want to strive that much more to do just as good or better the next time.
My parents were also available to me. My mama layed down in my bed with me almost every single night and let me just talk to her about my life. She made me feel that if something was important to me, then it was also important to her. Because she made me feel this way, I wanted to tell her things that most children would not want to share with their parents. My daddy took me on dates. Just me and him, sharing dinner and a movie. I loved that time with my daddy.
My parents also showed me affection and let me tell you that we are a very affectionate family. There were endless hugs and kisses at my house. I have to admit that my mama rocked me until I got married and would still rock me if I asked her too. Me and my brothers were never ashamed to kiss my daddy goodbye as he dropped us off at school. I didn't know too many fathers that still showed physical affection to their high school sons but my daddy never stopped and he hasn't yet. We can't even leave their house until we have hugged and kissed them good-bye, although I will tell you that when grandchildren enter the picture, they begin to get most of your affection!
My parents approached our world. They became interested in things that interested us. My daddy wasn't much for hunting or dance recitals but he started hunting and he came to every single one of my dance recitals. My mama was never in a sorority in college, but she wanted to know all about my sorority life. My parents never missed a football game, basketball game, track meet, or cheerleading event. There would be some weeks when they had to do something every night - my youngest brother played pee-wee football on Tuesday, my other brother played junior high football on Thursday, and I cheered for the high school games on Friday. That's a pretty busy schedule, but my parents never made us feel like it was a burden. They always seemed so excited to be going when we were involved in something.
My parents set reasonable boundaries and held us accountable. They taught us to respect adults, even when they disagreed with them. Of course, we never knew that they disagreed. If we made a bad grade because of our own carelessness or lack of study, then we suffered the consequence. If we got mad at one of our friends, they didn't call the friend's parent to try to work it out. They didn't fight our battles for us, and I think this allowed us to become responsible adults. We learned that we were accountable for our own actions. That every action has a reaction.
Mama and Daddy, I love you more than you could ever know and I am so blessed that you followed all these Biblical principles. I am so grateful to you for the things you have taught us and for the importance you placed on Jesus Christ. I know that it was ultimately my choice to accept or deny Him, but you can know that you did everything you could do to lead me there. And it has paid off! He is my Savior and Lord just as you allowed Him to be your Savior and Lord. I don't know yet, since Mary Tate is only 2 years old and Miller is still growing in my belly, but I know that one day, if they make the same choice I made, that it will be the most joyful day in all my life, more joyful than when I brought them into this world. So I know that you have felt that same joy knowing that all 3 of your children have the made the choice to follow Christ. I know that when both of you get to Heaven, God is going to say to you, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." I never knew how much you loved me until Mary Tate entered this world, but I know now. It's funny, but Mama, when you told me that no one could ever love me the way you do because you carried me under your heart for 9 months, I believed you. I think most kids would just think that was silly talk, but I actually believed you and it's because you showed me everyday just how much you loved me. Josh and I both want to model our parenting after you and Daddy. Thank you so much for everything. I love you with all my heart and soul. Love, Megan
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